I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
