Swine flu. Run for my life!
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
