I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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