this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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