need another drink. this is the easiest way
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
