I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
