In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
