If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
