I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
