how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
