Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
