Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
