you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
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asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
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Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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