I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
