Acid is not a monday night drug
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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