she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
