Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
