Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
