Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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