Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
