and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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