Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
