I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
