you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
