White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
