I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
