I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
