I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
