You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Who died my cat blue again?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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