where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
