i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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