I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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