OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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