After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
so let's talk penis.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
