the condom got lost in my hair
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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