Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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