I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
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the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
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Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
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