All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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