If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
