I just saw a hot homeless man
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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