This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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