Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
