I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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