Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
