my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
