I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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