i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Help me help you realize you are a moron
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
