i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
