I need help removing her.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
