tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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