It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Randomize
