why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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