I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
