The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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