We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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