so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
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