She said her name was "party"
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
