my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
