I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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