Plan B is the new Plan A
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
