walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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