I'm lost and stupid without you.
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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