until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
