just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
