WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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