So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
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jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
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i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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