I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
