By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
