I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
