The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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