My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
