You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
