I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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