I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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