May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
