North Korea, Best Korea!
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
