There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
